THE FROY MARRIAGE TEST

Taken from How to Avoid Matrimony by Keith Waterhouse (writing as "Herald Froy", 1957)


Froy Ratings For Marriage Risk
    have been calculated on the aggregate hypothetical value of a girl, arrived at by co-relating her imponderable-asset averages with the concomitant drawback averages, taking into consideration the marriage risk co-efficient.
    In other words, here's a handy slide-rule for sliding bachelors to keep at hand.

Characteristics of GirlAnswer
Able to boil egg
Able to make omelette
Able to make shepherd's pie
Possesses clock
Knits
Helps mum with vacuum cleaner
Says that mum ought to have maid
Gossips with women in shops
Gossips with men in shops
Knows exact price of more than five items in grocer's
Shoplifts
Pats dogs
Eats dogs (hot)
Goes to fashion shows
Has a weekly manicure
Stays in on Friday nights to wash hair
Reads women's magazines
Reads men's magazines
Illiterate
Writes 'DUST' in dust
Writes other words in dust
Knows how to mend fuse
Possesses flat iron
Possesses travelling iron
Possesses thermostatic iron
Has a thing about irons
Bets on horses
Bets on dogs
Can play poker dice
Wins
Possesses pack of cards
Possesses crystal ball
Hunts
Possesses hammer
Knows words of 'Eskimo Nell'
Takes after Eskimo Nell
Is in fact Repulse Bay Eskimo
Says there is good and bad in everyone
Has framed motto: 'Home Is A Good Thing'
Has toy tiger on bed
Collects on flag days
Collects on pay days
Possesses sun ray lamp
Eats oranges in bed
When in doubt makes tea
Possesses cocoa
Is hot on sherry trifle
Knows about oven temperatures
Spends money
On being told smutty jokes   (a) slaps
On being told smutty jokes   (b) claps
Possesses own car
Will go anywhere
Do anything
Age of girl
Months you have known her
Bonus Question: Are you operating in a strange town which you will be leaving on Monday? Yes No


Adapted by Kevan, for Chrissy (Froy Rating : -988)