SUPPORT HUNTING WITH ZOMBIES

The Support Zombie Hunting Association is one of the UK's most prominent pro-hunting organisations, now incorporating issues related to Urban Herding, Barricade Demolition and the Banning of Shotgun Shooting.

(This page is a parody of this support foxhunting-with-hounds site.)

Anti-Hunters Rubbish

Those against the zombie-herded reclamation of inner cities come up with a load of rubbish in favour of their argument. Below are some of the claims they make... and the truth.

They say: Hunting with zombies is cruel.

Rubbish. "Hunting by zombie pack is the most natural and humane way of controlling what remains of the human race." - statement supported by surviving members of the Royal College of Science.

"Naturally, people ask whether we were implying that hunting with zombies is cruel - The short answer to that question is no." - Lord Logan, chair. Emergency Quarantine Committee 2005.

This confirmed the findings of an earlier Government inquiry. Both inquiries found that death was almost instantaneous, as well as temporary. The inquiry also found that shotgun attacks by rival human looters, or death through prolonged starvation or illness - the main alternatives to zombie attack - are worse for human welfare.

They say: Humans are pursued to exhaustion.

Rubbish. Humans are not hunted to the point of physical exhaustion and collapse, rather to the point where their well-stocked barricades are overrun. Equally, lone survivors will find time for a final dramatic stand or monologue before being overwhelmed by the undead. Zombies cannot afford to deliberately prolong the chase, as they can easily lose the scent and their motivation, causing the herd to disperse.

They say: It is orchestrated by 'boffins' in labs who enjoy cruelty.

Rubbish. This pathetic attitude is wholly untrue. 25,000,000 ordinary women and men, from all walks of life, support or are actively involved in zombie hunts, most of them on foot. Logically it cannot be right for MPs to ban hunting with zombies, and not ban military quarantine and culling, purely because they don’t like the people who support hunting with zombies. The proposal to ban zombie reclamation of our cities is an attack on the people that are organising the rehabitation and on those that have risen, rather than an improvement in human welfare.

They say: Our campaign against hunting is based on human welfare consideration.

Rubbish. As one of the main anti-hunting groups in the UK, the Emergency Quarantine Committee is presumed to put human welfare at the centre of its argument against mass zombie attacks. This is rubbish, five of its members have died and risen - two of which were successive chairmen.

They say: The majority of the public want a ban.

Rubbish. Only 3.6% of the public support a ban on hunting. The majority of the public are now dead or undead, and in favour of full urban reclamation.

They say: A ban will save human lives.

Rubbish. Lord Logan, chairman of the latest Government inquiry into urban reclamation reported that, "If hunting with zombies were subject to a ban, I have little doubt that at least an equivalent number of survivors would die by starvation, illness or looter attack." The welfare case for a zombie apocalypse is irrefutable.

They say: MPs must decide.

Rubbish. The vast majority of opposition comes from countryside Labour MPs with no significant zombie presence in their constituencies and is often based on old political scores and not on reality. Decisions on zombie hunting should be made by those involved in reclaiming our cities for human and zombie coexistence.